#that's my style

[inuhalfdemon]

Lucifer wakes up with blood on his face and a very pissed-off one-armed Alastor in the room.

-CrackRodent

Hehe...careful what you ask for...

Lucifer jolts awake in his bed, mouth dry and his head feeling fuzzy. The first thing he sees is a very pissed-off Alastor standing and leering over him, radio static crackling agitatedly throughout the room.

"Oh...hello." Lucifer blinks blearily back at Alastor. "Did you sneak in here to ravish me?"

The radio static buzzes louder.

"I didn't sneak in here, I broke down your damn door!" Alastor nearly snarls.

Lucifer tilts his head and sees that his hotel room door has been obliterated, chunks of wood thrown all over into the room and splintering edges torn all around the frame that was the doorway.

Alastor shifts restlessly, drawing Lucifer's attention back to him and the angel loudly snorts. 

"You lose something on the way in!?"

One of Alastor's arms was entirely missing. Wedged in the socket of where it should be was a blood-soaked rag. Tatters hanging from Alastor's suit had been stripped from his shoulder and pulled into roughly, hastily done knots to keep the makeshift bandage in place.

"No..." Alastor's teeth are clenched in an insane, and twitching smile; his nostrils flaring. "You fucking tore my arm off!!!"

Lucifer erupts into voracious laughter.

"I....what!?"

"Your drunk royal ass got fucking snippy with me over a quip I made at you for being short while we were enjoying ourselves at the bar, and then you fucking ripped my arm off! WITH YOUR TEETH!"

Lucifer gives a light laugh, rubbing his face with his hand. When he pulls his palm back, he sees there is indeed traces of dried blood on it.

"What was the quip?"

"What?"

"The quip you made...what was it?"

"YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF THIS!?"

"No, I must have blacked out." Lucifer shrugged. "But, really...what was the quip?"

"Does it matter!?"

"Yes...if it was funny, then I probably wouldn't have done that to you. So, what was it?"

"How should I know!? It was just a stupid little quip!"

"Ah...so it must not have been that funny. The funny ones are the ones people remember."

"OH, fuck you!" Alastor snaps. "Now help me re-attach it! I don't want to have to wait for a new one to grow back!"

"Fine." Lucifer groans. "Where is it?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Alastor roars. "YOU TOOK IT, YOU HAD IT LAST!"

"Okay, okay..." Lucifer holds up a hand while his other moves to his temple. His head was pounding. "Help me out here, what happened after I took your arm off?"

"You started making jokes."

"Jokes? What kind of jokes?"

"Jokes like: What's wrong, Al? Need a hand? or Looks like I've got the upper hand now! or It looks like I'm armed and dangerous! and Don't go getting all up in arms..."

"See...those ones are funny."

"Lucifer." Alastor growled in warning.

"Hehe, alright...so then, what!?"

"You left with it! I had to figure how to get my shoulder to stop gushing blood all over the place while you just took it and went on your merry way! You're telling me that you don't know where it is!?" Alastor's neck was extending, snapping to the side and his pupils were flashing into radio dials.

"Ugh, just hold on." Lucifer grunts, shifting himself to get up and throwing the blankets back. As he moves, Alastor's dismembered arm comes falling from the bed, landing on the floor with a sick thud.

Lucifer and Alastor stare at it for a moment before...

"Were you...did you...?"

Lucifer started nodding, remembering now. "Yep...sure did."

"You know what." Alastor stood up straight. "Burn it. I'll wait for the new one." And, he turns to walk away.

"Was one Hell of a hand-job though." Lucifer snickered and Alastor flips him the bird as he leaves the room.

[rainbow-taishi]

Filipino Isekai

[bllmak]

vintage phone

[thesociallyanxioussociopath]

Something something, living rent free in my mind and such, anyway I love them.

[sabertoothwalrus]

ah my favorite zelda game *looks at smudged writing on my hand* Wind Baker

[unsung-idiot]

Stan was not prepared

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

Just saw someone with “use whatever pronouns you use for yourself for me” in bio. I honestly never considered the depth the pronoun metagame could have, we’ve barely scratched the surface with this shit

[alexandriad]

jumping on the bandwagon with an ancient greek miku

[kazehita]

big fan of the new guy

[trekkerac]

i'm not like other guys i take an angsty au and make it a comedy

Ford: I've managed to record substantial evidence on tape, such as floating objects, footsteps that are not my own, and radio weirdness; The host or singer will slip in observations of my being that I simply cannot chalk up to coincidence. Whether this being is a ghost, or one of Bills tricks I've yet to discover… There are more dubious encounters such as the whispers, spine shivering chills, and of the brief shadowy figures I see down dark hallways. (Proof of an apparition? or simply a hallucination dreamt up by my sleep deprived mind?) I fear my mind is slipping further and further-

Ford: What is that blasted noise?! Stan: Cartoons got ghosts shockingly realistic! Ford: Reminds me of... being annoyed.

[nicolekart]

With my “amazing” ability to draw cats, I just had to…

[bellwethers]

Tough.

[hinamie]

to moving forward

[tagasaing]

the laios effect

[thesociallyanxioussociopath]

Very much inspired by that Valentine Pin-Up Alastor merch where the only significant change is him having his bow-tie unclipped.

Anyway, happy valentine day sike, it's Aro week and we are begrudgingly going on dates to help our friends with their heist. Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 (end)

[chalkrub]

autumnal chill....featuring the girl